It’s true what “they” say – that for some, it takes a life-altering experience to connect with our sense of gratitude. Being thankful is surface-level appreciation. That’s not what I’m talking about.  

I’m talking about the feeling of fervent appreciation for your still living parents, after attending the funeral of a friend’s mom or dad.  

It’s that intense sigh of relief you release, and maybe a few tears, when the lump in your breast is diagnosed as being benign.  

It’s the love that pours out of you and onto your 13-year-old son when he lumbers over to you for a lingering hug after a particularly long and difficult day where the vivid images of lives lost in distant parts of the world have imprinted on your mind and soul.

Since becoming a caregiver, I’ve been given many opportunities to recognize and take part in a moment (or two – or ten million) of gratitude. And since we’re approaching a holiday focused on “thankfulness,” I thought it was appropriate to share the things in my life that I am deeply grateful for:

Friendship and Family. I have a deep sense of gratitude for the people in our lives who are close enough for us to call friends. This includes family. Caregiving can be isolating/lonely for the entire family, so seeing our children joyfully spend time with their cousins or friends at any time is so very gratifying. For me, I’m energized by being around people – and on hard days, the distraction is a welcome one. It’s so nice having friends and family who love us and who eagerly want to be part of our lives.

Employer Sponsored Health Insurance. We spend a small fortune on health insurance. I try not to think about the percentage of my salary that goes to health insurance – but I’m so very grateful to have rich, employer sponsored health benefits and access to a group of medical professionals who really care about keeping my husband well and supporting a good quality of life. I know that there are options that are far less generous – and that in many cases, it’s hard to access care even when you have insurance.  

Church and Church Connections. I grew up going to church – and have always found a sense of grounding there that I couldn’t get anywhere else. Everyone does what makes them feel centered – for me, it’s church. And – we couldn’t have found a more beautiful church or community if we had built one ourselves. We attend the church my husband attended growing up – and where most of his family attends – so there are many connections there that I am deeply grateful for, not just for us as adults but for our children too. It’s heartwarming to wake up on Sunday and see both kids already up and getting ready for church without being prompted. They love it as much as – or maybe even more than – we do. 

Meaningful Work. I don’t equate my value as a human being to the work I do professionally – but I really enjoy the work that I do, I find meaning in the work that I do, and I appreciate that someone is willing to pay me to do this work. The work I do is challenging in a different way than caregiving is – and while there is certainly a mental load associated with my job, it is gratifying in ways that other accomplishments in my life are not.  

Stability. In my 20s, I would have never thought that in my 40s I would crave stability the way my children crave Chick-fil-A. In fact, this may be the thing I’m most grateful for because as an absolute type A personality, I’ve had to learn over and over again that there are MANY things completely out of my control. When stability finds us, when things aren’t changing, when the needle on the odometer of our life is centered perfectly – this is pure bliss. And I’m contented being in this moment for as long as possible.