Gather round. It’s campfire night. It’s 65 degrees out, and the temperature is steadily dropping (a Texas girl can dream). The hoodie sweater you brought is tied around your waist, but not for long.
The singing and whispering and storytelling and s’mores eating are about to begin. It’s a night beloved by both campers and counselors – and I think it has to do with the intimacy of being cozy and feeling safe around a fire with friends.
Questions about life and love are swirling around – and we’re sharing. And by we, I mean me, but my hope is that readers will share too.
The question? What is the one thing that scares you the most? What keeps you up at night?
In my 20s, my honest answer would have been being a disappointment to the people I care about.
In my 30s, that answer shifts – it’s whether I’m a good enough parent.
Today, as a woman and caregiver headed into the twilight of my 40s, my answer is – I’m most scared of the thought that I’ll die first.
I know – you’re clicking your tongue. This is an uncomfortable thing to write about, and it’s an uncomfortable thing to think about. In our culture, it’s not common to discuss dying or end of life topics – it’s taboo. And I’m sure there are some aunties reading this and thinking – Baeed el Shar! IYKYK.
But, consider this – what happens to the carefully cultivated house of cards I’ve built to protect my husband if I’m not earth-side anymore? Who will step in and maintain his care – and all the things associated with that? Some of the things I do for him are obvious – but many of the things I do are unseen. How would anyone even know how to care for him?
Well, it’s finally happened – somehow I’ve become irreplaceable 😂
Kidding aside – I know for certain other caregivers worry about this very same issue. It’s a huge problem, and the solution is complicated and requires lawyers and documents and a strategic plan. And even then, who knows if it will be executed the way you anticipated.
I’d love to hear from you. If you’re also caregiver, what’s the thing you worry about most?
