One day, in the distant or not to distant future, our kids may decide to read through this blog. They know I’m a writer, they’ve observed me writing for the blog, and they’ve both scrolled through my images on IG and FB where I post links.

Admittedly, I always try to write with them in mind, but maybe they’ll read something that causes them pain or distress. Sometimes memories are more than just thoughts – they can incite feelings, both good and bad. I also recognize I’m not doing this alone – they are both ever present participants and young caregivers themselves.

So here are some things that I hope will give them comfort – memories that I have of us they may not remember because they are children.

• On the day dear son (DS) was born, DH’s first words to me were I have a son – we have a boy, with tears in his eyes.
• On the day dear daughter (DD) was born, DH’s first words were similar – I have a daughter – we have a girl. And she’s bigger than her brother was! (The surgical staff took bets on how big she would be because I grow enormous babies – brother was 9.6lbs, she was 9.9lbs) He said this while laughing and crying.
• I’ll always remember how emotional DH was when the babies were born. He was already diagnosed with MS at the time and we didn’t know if we would be able to have kids.
• When our boy was little, DH spent hours sitting on the playroom floor playing with him, talking to him, singing with him, and showing him the most ridiculous videos of “big trucks doing big truck things.”
• When our girl was little, DH spent hours eating pretend food from her fake restaurant, making noisy eating sounds that almost sent me to an early grave (do NOT be a loud eater in front of me, y’all).
• DH’s emotional and teary reaction to seeing our son play his instrument in his first middle school holiday concert is something I’ll hold in my heart forever.
• DH’s boasting pride and teary reaction to our daughter’s first ballet recital when she was just a wee thing is what “girl dad” dream boats are made of.
• DH never fails to tell the kids that he’s proud of them – tests they ace, performances at school, serving in our church – he knows how special they are.
• DH is a movie buff. Sharing his favorites with the kids has always been something he planned on doing – and it’s something that MS hasn’t taken away from him.
  • Princess Bride has been a family favorite because of DH
  • Star Wars is a series that DH and our son have shared for years
  • DH’s angel wings are already bought and paid for by the sheer number of times he has had to sit through the movies: Cars, Toy Story, Freaky Friday, Moana, Yes Day, Anne of Green Gables, and so on

• I don’t remember much about the first few days home after having our son – a traumatic birth wasn’t on my bingo card – but I’ll never forget the first night home with our girl. I was wiped out, and I made her a little co-sleeping space between the two of us and we laid in bed together staring at her for a long time. He was a smitten kitten. (She was also super chonky for a newborn).
• When the kids both started sitting at the table for meals in their high chair, DH would engage them in conversations about their day, the things they liked, the food they were eating, and silly topics that made them giggle.
• When our girl started selling banana bread as a side hustle, DH was her first and most frequent customer.
• DH never misses an event or milestone of significance. Even when he’s tired, even when he’s feeling crummy, DH wants to be there.
• Every year for Christmas, DH picks out a gift for each child that he specifically chooses for them – they don’t know this, it’s always marked from us – but I remember.
• When the kids were littler, DH taught us all how to play UNO. And we played – a lot. Especially during the pandemic.

This isn’t a complete list. It never will be.

Putting these down on “paper” is the equivalent of a first time mom hiding Easter eggs for her toddler. They may not find them soon, but when they do I hope it floods their hearts with happiness – and other good memories of their daddy.