It’s been a while, huh? I wish I could say that I was back with some pep in my step, or flounce in my bounce – but the truth is that this (gestures broadly), living this caregiver life, has been difficult. I’ve been busy, distracted, and exhausted.

What’s that saying – I’m here for a good time, not a long time? That’s probably true – fair warning if you plan to follow along.

The truth is that I come back to this blog when I feel like what I have to say could be helpful to others in my situation. I’m realizing that maybe this blog just needs to be a place where I can share what’s on my mind and in my heart – censoring myself a little less (nothing tawdry, y’all) – and using this medium as a way to write or rewrite the narrative of my life.

So much is out of my control. But I’ve realized that so much has always been out of my control. The thing is, when things are good and easy we assume that it’s because we’re doing the right things and shaping our own destiny. Reality check. I’ve come to the realization that we contribute to our own destiny, but none of us really influence the totality of our destiny. There are just too many variables – and any good thing really does “come from above.”

So, this is me. Contributing to my destiny but not in control of it and I’m really struggling with this concept. For anyone who doesn’t know me well – I prefer to feel like I can wield my desired outcomes. And if I’m being honest, I don’t think this is something I’ll ever really be able to overcome. Maybe it’s because it feels like I haven’t had a break between “overcoming” things. The waves of challenges have been unrelenting and it’s hard to trust that everything is going to work out, when so much hasn’t.

What does that even mean? To trust that everything is going to work out. I know I’m not the only caregiver that’s been given this advice.

For caregivers…very few things work out if we aren’t actively engaging, advocating, and working toward a goal of some kind. Literally, nothing would have worked out for us. Nothing has come easily and without a fight. It’s the reason why so many caregivers are diagnosed with PTSD after their “term” of caregiving comes to an end. Yep – you read that correctly. Being a caregiver causes trauma that is comparable to that of soldiers who return from war. Is your mind blown? Do a quick Google search.

Anyway.

So, if after reading this, you’re still interested in following along…sometimes as a witness to my downward spirals, and sometimes as a witness to our wins – welcome. I’m glad you’re here. Feel free to drop a comment or send me a message. I promise I’m a real person and that none of this was written by AI. Haha.