We’re on day (enter random number here because time moves quickly) of a hospital stay that won’t end for a few more days – and the hope is that my dear husband will be approved for rehab (fingers crossed), which means even more days in a care facility.

I know that we’ve been here too long because I know where the good cafeteria is in a different hospital than where my husband is, and can get there without exiting the building or getting lost.

I’m not sure if you live in a city with a hospital system – if you don’t, let me paint you a picture. The Texas Medical Center (TMC) in Houston, TX is self described as the largest medical complex in the world, with more than 120,000 employees and over 9,000 patient beds. There are 60 member institutions that make up the TMC, but if your loved one is hospitalized here it’s probably going to be one of the five major hospitals, and most are connected through walkways and skybridges.

It’s big. It’s daunting. And two weeks ago, I was concerned that I’d be lost forever if I tried to walk to the good cafeteria at Texas Children’s hospital.

Two weeks later, I’m escorting other lost souls and enabling unhinged food choices in the middle of the night.

Because guess what? The good cafeteria closes in the evening after dinner service, and then REOPENS from 11pm-3am.

(Listen, if you’ve come here looking for healthy coping mechanisms, you’re gonna need to scroll on by. This is a no judgement zone.)

Guess what else? The good cafeteria sells the most incredible mozzarella sticks during snack time service and not at any other time throughout the day. If you live with misophonia – an intense disgust of mouth noises while chewing – these mozzarella sticks are not it.

The good cafeteria has an excellent selection of other snacky items – my personal faves include Popcorners, Smart Food popcorn, Haribo Gummie Bears (but they should consider carrying the Haribo Twin Snakes, which are far superior to the OG gummies), and a Drumstick the size of my head with moose tracks ice cream.

We haven’t been here as long as others, but I also know that the case manager on the floor has the really good pens, if you’re staying overnight the recliners in the Neuro ICU are heads and tails more comfortable than the recliners on the floor, and that you have to wear layers because one minute it’s a comfortable 70 degrees, and the next it’s time to build yourself a blanket cocoon. Maybe the shivering will warm you up.

Side note – the variance in temperature could also be my perimenopause saying hello. But still, layers.

Anyway, I wish I didn’t know any of these things. I wish none of us had to know any of this stuff. But if you’re going to be stuck in the Texas Medical Center at 1 a.m., you should at least know where the mozzarella sticks are.